Although exhausted all day both mentally and emotionally for some reason once my head hit the pillow I could not sleep. So I wandered downstairs to see what was new in the world of facebook.

The last few days have been difficult ones. I am closing in on the end of my time here in Lopburi and my thoughts have already moved on to what's ahead. The coming months will be busy ones as I wrap up my first year of Thai study and begin looking for and eventually arranging the the rental of a house in Bangkok. After that I will need to kick into high gear as I begin to furnish my house, find a new teacher to study with and prepare for my parents to come on holiday. All these things are running around in my mind alongside the thoughts of what lies ahead of me in Bangkok, both hopes and fears. I long for a Thai community in which to thoroughly immerse myself and I'm afraid of leaving the safety of the familiar for again another move, another adjustment, another new beginning. All these thoughts war in my head pulling my heart away from the task in front of me here in Lopburi. Learning Thai well.

So I can't help but think that the Lord is speaking to me about this very subject as tonight I opened my e-mail to find a devotional I get quite regularly via e-mail. Often it seems to be exactly what I need to hear and I can't ignore the message tonight either. Not time yet....

It is not time yet for my heart to disengage with the life around me right here, it is not time yet for my thoughts to be filled with details of moving. The Lord has used this story and the following verses many times in my life and I can't help but believe that He is using them again now.

What I wonder is...what is He still doing? I have learned to ask less and less why He allows things and instead change the question to what is He trying to do through the things He allows. What "sheep" does He want me to feed, what areas of my heart and character are as yet unformed?

I smile a little sheepishly at the writers comments about telling the Lord "She gets it." I have said the same thing on several occasions hoping I can convince the Lord that I'm done with that lesson so we can move on to the next thing or I've learned my lesson so now He can answer my prayer. I imagine He smiles a little and shakes His head and continues right on doing what He has been doing from the start. Making me into the person He created me to be, for His glory, on His timeline, and in His way.

He has been reminding me the last few days of how much higher He is then I am, how much greater His understanding then mine; these verses in Isaiah sum it up nicely:

25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Rest For A Weary Soul Daily Devotional - Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Praise the Lord and Good Afternoon,

I've been deeply involved in the account of Lazarus, Martha and Mary. I've been preaching from it periodically since April/May and the Lord just won't budge from it. He's revealed some things to me from it and I continue to see things in it....what is frustrating though is not being able to leave it. Lord, certainly we can visit some other place....and even when I do read other passages, it still leads me back to John 11.

So why would I be frustrated, you ask? The same reason you get frustrated when you go through things over and over and over again. Or when someone asks you the same question repeatedly. It's like, "I get it." But when the Lord keeps you at a place, there are deep purposes, and it's far greater than you just "getting it."

I'm certain you've found yourself in a place where you "telling" the Lord to move on....most of the time, it's because we see something more interesting up ahead...or we have already made mental plans for what we're going to do when we "get there." Or we're just tired of the same scenery and feel like we need a change. But again, the Lord, isn't after giving you a change of pace, just for the sake of change. Everything, absolutely everything, the Lord does has purpose....and every place He leads us is also purposed by the Lord.

So, I'm calming down and taking my time with John 11. My prayer is now, "Lord, show me all I need to see, learn, understand, and apply to my life. And cause me to look without the blinders of "I already know this" I'm no longer doing, "Oh, no Lord...not again." It feels odd to say that I didn't want to be where the Lord had me...but it is true. I can offer ample examples of when I told the Lord, "I don't need to be here....please, please, please move me."

It's the flesh that says, "I already know. I've already answered the question....I know this stuff." But when the Lord is talking, even when we think we know....there's more to gain (and apply)....and until He says move on, I'll stay right here. Thank you Jesus for helping me to sit before You in expectancy at the table of John 11.


14 This is now the third time that Jesus shewed himself to his disciples, after that he was risen from the dead. 15 So when they had dined , Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. 16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. 17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep. (John 11:14-17 KJV)
In the Master's Service,

Pastor Michele D. Turner
Rehoboth Apostolic Ministries, Inc.
Author/Publisher of Rest For A Weary Soul Daily Devotional
Copyright 2005 - 2010 www.restforawearysoul.com
Email: restforwearysoul@aol.com

Matt 11:28-29 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Picture if you will a dark stormy wind lashed sea. And a small fishing boat being tossed about on top of the waves like a toy. A man stands in the waves calmly with His hand outstretched grasping onto the hand of another man who has sunk beneath the waves. The last couple of weeks I have been studying “Easy Gospels” in Thai. This story is one of the ones we need to learn and recite. Due to the simplicity of the language it is almost easy just to overlook the depth of the lesson this story about Jesus is trying to get across to us.
Tonight my emotions became like these storm tossed waves and I looked at my circumstances much like Peter looked at the looming waves poised to crash down over his head making his previous faith falter and fear to take over plummeting his body beneath the waves. He had just seconds before been walking calmly on top of those same waves his focus completely centered on his Savior but a moment of allowing his gaze to wander and fear poured into his heart. Until tonight the significance of this imagery and the lesson it has to teach has been lost on me as I have studied these stories. When asked in class what the lesson is I can answer easily as the child in Sunday school raising their hand with all the right answers but when the storm actually hit I was not prepared for the force of the gale and how it would cause my gaze to falter and faith to wane. Instead fear poured in ripping open old wounds and shredding the threads of trust that had already been weaved through previous storms. And when my heart screamed from the pain and blamed my loving Lord for causing my pain a still small voice spoke through the turmoil in my heart revealing the true cause of my anguish. I had taken my eyes off the only One who is able to save. I thought my relationship with Him was firm only to realize that actually for days I had not sought out the company of my Heavenly Father as I had in just resent days gone by. I had allowed other seemingly innocent things to become distractions, minor worries about the future I had allowed to grow in my mind without truly bringing them and surrendering them before the cross. And so now I paid the price as my heart ripped apart and vile puss of fear and unbelief came pouring out…..however something different happened this time. The Lord was not far off and quickly reached into my pain with warm arms ready to embrace and restore faith. In the past I could languish in this pit of despair for days. But as the Lord has continued His beautiful work in my heart those times have become shorter and shorter. I am now able to turn my eyes back to Jesus and allow Him to pull me out with less time wasted wallowing in self pity. My heart is brimming with joy and thanksgiving as once again peace reigns supreme in my heart and my worries and doubts are once again laid down at the feet of the only One big enough to handle them. The One I can trust with all the days that lay ahead.

“Look to Jesus” by Charles H. Spurgeon


“It is always the Holy Spirit’s work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus. But Satan’s work is just the opposite; he is constantly trying to make us look at ourselves instead of Christ.

He insinuates, ‘Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you do not have the joy of His children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus.’

All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: He tells us that we are nothing, but that Christ is everything.

Remember, therefore, it is not your hold of Christ that saves you– it is Christ; it is not your joy in Christ that saves you– it is Christ; it is not even your faith in Christ, although that is the instrument– it is Christ’s blood and merits.

Therefore, do not look so much to your hand with which you are grasping Christ as to Christ; do not look to your hope but to Jesus, the source of your hope; do not look to your faith, but to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of your faith.

We will never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our deeds, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we are to overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by ‘looking to Jesus.’

Keep your eye simply on Him; let His death, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession be fresh upon your mind. When you waken in the morning look to Him; when you lie down at night look to Him.

Oh! Do not let your hopes or fears come between you and Jesus; follow hard after Him, and He will never fail you.

‘My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.’”

–Charles H. Spurgeon, “June 28: Looking to Jesus,” in Morning and Evening, ed. Alistair Begg (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2007), 192.

I have been struggling with the up and down nature of this spiritual walk I am on. When I am filled with the Lord’s peace and joy I feel as though nothing can touch me and so I forget that this broken pot leaks and I need to keep being filled by the Holy Spirit and so when I loose that peace I stumble around in shock for a while trying to understand where it has gone, why it hasn’t stayed and why I seem to fall so far when just days or even hours before I was full to overflowing with joy. All of a sudden it feels like the lights have been shut off and the Lord seems far away and silent. My heart begins to chill and instead of running back to the source of all peace I allow the bricks to begin being build around my heart.

I don’t know why I do this. I run from Him instead of to Him, depending too much on my emotions to dictate my view of reality on the situation. But then as the cold begins to harden my heart, a memory deep within my heart flickers and cries out desperately for the warmth that it has known so recently and I find myself like a drowning man clawing my way back up to where I can breathe again, feel the warmth of the Son on my face again. And it never ceases to amaze me that He is there, arms open wide, a beautiful smile on His face although each time I can sense the pain behind the smile. The pain that I have not run to Him faster, that I have stopped trusting, that I have forgotten His promises so quickly.

I feel guilty at times when I think how often I seem to fall and doubt. I can see clearly my broken condition and I ache for the place where I will not disappoint my Saviour so often. But then I remember David and the saints of old. All of them fell and forgot the Lord’s promises, all of them questioned and walked their own way. And these are men and women remembered for their faith…and so I have hope. Hope that no matter how bleak the situation, no matter how many times I choose to believe my emotions and circumstances over the Lord’s promises He will never leave me nor forsake me, and not only that but will continue His good work in me until I meet Him face to face.

Jem - Keep on Wolking

Keep on Walking Lyrics

The world's got so dark I need
some guidance to see
'cause this pain in my heart is
taking everything from me.

It is true that love makes the
world go round
Please give some love to me
'cause I'm feeling so alone
right now, it's suffocating me.

God give me strength
to keep on walking
God give me strength
to keep on, keep on
God give me strength
to keep on walking
God give me strength
to keep on, keep on

The air's got so thick I find
it hard to breathe
And before have
I felt so desperately in need

I know that I must start listening
to the voice inside of me.
The truth is that when I speak to
you, I hope to speak to me.

God give me strength,
to keep on walking
God give me strength,
to keep on, keep on
God give me strength,
to keep on walking
God give me strength,
to keep on, keep on

Oooh, oooh, my darling
God is you
God is you

God give me strength,
to keep on walking
God give me strength,
to keep on, keep on

God give me strength,
to keep on walking
God give me strength,
to keep on, keep on

God give me strength,
to keep on walking
[God, keep on, keep on giving
me strength]
God give me strength
to keep on, keep on.

God, keep on, keep on giving
me strength.
(repeat)

Nail Scarred Hands

"What is real?" the velveteen rabbit asked the skin horse. The skin horse replied, "Real isn't how you are made, it's a thing that happens to you . When a child loves you a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.

"Sometime," said the skin horse, "but when you are real you don't mind being hurt. It doesn't happen all at once, it takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

I've been thinking alot about the trials, we as believers especially, go through in the refining period. I found this little exert from the Velveteen Rabbit to be profound in many ways. The idea that the Lord is working in us to make us real. This goes along with the quote on my facebook profile. "Now with God's help I shall become myself." And it's true, transformation does not happen right away even though we wish the Lord would hurry up sometimes. And yet even Christ had to grow up and be put through the grind of life before He could go to the cross in His final act of submission that cost Him dearly. And yet His heart was that through His blood we also could successfully walk through the "sanctifying" process of life. These last years I have been walking this path of obedience with the Lord because I believed He had called me to Thailand, and always Thailand was the goal. So when I arrived and felt like finally I was in the promised land life would lighten up a bit and the blessing would now pour down and yet I'm realizing there is as much uncertainty in my future in the land the Lord has brought me to as there was getting here. As I look soberly at the future I realize I am a very young girl who has set out on a rather large adventure. The horizon before me is endless and I feel very small. I am here yes, but now I wonder "to do what exactly?" I am thankful that at least for my first 6-9 months I don't need to know what's next just learn Thai, however trusting the Lord to lead me now that I'm here has become no easier that trusting Him to bring me here. I feel instead that what I learned in the valley is now being put into practice in the wilderness. I feel the sting this time of what I have left behind and even at times felt much like the Israelite s coming out of Egypt looking back and saying...we had it good in Egypt...and yet I know that my time at home was difficult. Why is it that the fear of the unknown makes us unable to trust the Lord and fall back in to complacency of what we know even if we don't like it. TRUST......I was just reading the book "Power of Desperation" by Michael Catt and one of the things he wrote made me realize how little I think of my Father's love and ability to take care of me. He gives the illustration that God is the potter and we are the clay and the times that He has to break us down are painful yes but we never have to fear because the hands and feet that push the wheel and shape the clay are nail scarred. How could we ever doubt the intentions of such a God to have the very best for us?