Fragile

The razor sharp line between disillusionment and expectation. Holding power to bring life or crushing blows. It opens the doors to the hearts fondest dreams or the blackest void where emptiness and bitterness crouch waiting to spring a surpise attack. Fragile as a bubble caught on the wind, tenacious as a weed in the desert. The feelings it invokes resemble a symphony with all it’s highs to crashing lows or lilting notes or driving beats. And yet disappointed walks alongside like a drowner sucking in for air and yet filled instead with panic of certain death.. Such is the power and path weaved by hope.

by:Michael Jordan Spencer

While I'm Waiting

John Waller

The Blessing
I’m waiting

I’m waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waitingI will serve You

While I’m waitingI will worship

While I’m waitingI will not faint

I’ll be running the race

Even while I wait

I’m waitingI’m waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it’s not easy, no

But faithfully, I will waitYes, I will wait

And I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waitingI will serve You

While I’m waitingI will worship

While I’m waitingI will not faint

I’ll be running the race

Even while I wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident

I'll be taking every step in obedience, yea
While I’m waitingI will serve You

While I’m waitingI will worship

While I’m waitingI will not faint
I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Today I revisited my childhood and long forgotten memories were brought to the surface bringing with them nostalgic feelings of adventure and exploration. I am looking after a little boy with fragile X syndrome and he has opened up the world of childhood to me once again. When the snow fell heavily leaving the fields around the church property blanketed in snow we trapsed though leaving the first footprints to mar the prestine landscape. We were adventureres discovering what new shapes had been formed by the white drifting snowflakes. Then today we set off across the barren frozen mud and grass to explore an old abandoned house on the church property, we climbed up into an out treehouse that still held remnants of happier days of childrens play and imagination. Leaning up against the old crumbling walls I glimpsed the shiny steel and supple blake leather of a motorbike that offered thrills of its own. We continued our journey back along a river where we though whatever large chunks of frozen snow and dirt we could find to make the biggest splash, across the stream stood 5 lamas that watched us curiously as we trapsed up and down the bank. As we ampled on trying to break through the little spots of snow and ice to hear the crunch and crack beneath our feet we came apon an old bus. Suprisingly the doors gave under a gentle push from the little boy and his eyes lit up with mischief and question. I was just as keen as he was to climb abord and imagine once again riding the bus to and from school. For a long while we just sat pretending to be driver and passanger.

I am able to read his every excitement every interest and every intent. It is all there to see in his actions, in his eyes. He does not speak this little boy but what he communicates is endless. The joy of every little boy to be in the outdoors, explorer and adventurer. As every little boy he takes great delight in throwing rocks into a stream to see how big a splash he can make, his indelible spirit drives him on to wander through an old abandaned property to see what treasures he may unearth. Although I am girl I grew up taking pleasure in much the same kind of activites. Trapsing through the jungle, exploring areas yet unfamiliar and taking much joy in using my imagination to make up stories of imagination and adventure. These are the same memories and emotions that this little boy has sparked in my heart once again.

Life is always uncertain but I think if I look at it this way again I will not be mired down in the pain of not knowing and dissapointment but instead look at every closed and opened door as a new opportunity, and opportunity for adventure, but a higher one. One with far reaching implications. It is an adventure with Christ. If I allow Him to lead me knowing He will never leave me nor allow more than I can bear I know He will open up my eyes to see the bigger adventure the bigger story he is in the process of writing. I know I want to walk beside Him into it, into the unknown future.

Hmmm... Life has an interesting way of suprising you. Just when you feel like you have gotten your feet under you and are starting to feel settled the rug is pulled out from under you and bookshelf comes down on top of you. The best option is to just lie still and wait for the dust to settle. As it does you begin to look around and assess the damage. There is some superficial pain but the real injury is to your faith. Faith that rugs don't just get pulled out from under you, faith that bookshelves are stationary and won't fall over suprisingly. You slowly get up and push away the books, set the bookshelf back up and start to clean up the shards of glass that litter the floor. You start to pick up the books and flip through them. Familiar words start to jump out at you, long forgot memories of stories. Some are humorous some are sad. You sit down and read the words of a long neglected story. Such is my relationship with my Lord and Saviour. Over the last few years He has pulled the rug out more than once. At first I am disoriented, hurt, angry even that the 'bookshelf' has come down. But then as the dust settles and I begin to see past the pain and uncertainty and pick up the pieces He draws my eyes back to the story He is in the process of writing. I have often been walking my own path assuming I new the road ahead when He allows painful experiences to pull down all my assumptions and show me where my heart is at. He then begins to remind me where He has brought me from, what He has brought me through and where He is taking me too. The last few months have been such a time. The bookshelf was a full one and the books fell for a while but now I am remembering the familiar stories of past adventures. All of which the Lord has brought and allowed to bring me once agin to this point. Fully dependant on Him.

God is Good!!

Bring the Rain

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It’s never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you oh Lord

My only shelter from the storms

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know

There’ll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that’s what it takes to praise You

Jesus Bring the Rain

I am Yours regardless of

The clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what’s a little rain

Holy, Holy, HolyHoly, Holy, Holy

Is the Lord God Almighty

Is the Lord God Almighty

Written by MercyMe© 2006 Simpleville

Music(ASCAP) / Wet As A Fish Music(ASCAP)

All rights administered by Simpleville Music, Inc.

All rights reserved.

The Lord has once again asked me to wait. I have become accustomed to these periods of waiting on the Lord. When I begin to rush ahead with my own plans without consulting Him and His perfect plan that is when He often closes the door to allow me time to back up and look at what I am doing, how I am thinking. Often I can see quite quickly why He has put a hold on MY plans and it is usually so that His plans can be layed out. Sometimes I wonder how many times He needs to close the door in my face before I will listen, before I will get it. Sigh!!! I have a sinking feeling this will go on until the day I die. Such is the nature of mankind...to never quite learn its lesson. However what I have come to learn is to get over my disappointment faster and look up to Him quicker instead of wallowing in my own self pity. My favorite line from 'The Grinch" goes something like this. "6 o'clock Wallow in self-pity, 7 o'clock stare into the abis, 8 o'clock solve world hunger...and tell no one, 9 o'clock have dinner with myself...I can't cancel that again." These lines although humorous also have a deeper truth of how we deal with disappointments if we do not immediately turn to Lord and wait on Him. So often I in the past have taken a good long time to see what God wants to do in me, the reason behind what at the time seems to me the unfairness of His apparent abandonment of me. And yet each time in the end I see He had a much better plan in mind for me all along. He really is good. And when it comes right down to it the song is right. If my life's desire is to follow and honour Him than setbacks and disappointments become opportunities for Him to bring Glory to His name by the manner in which I deal with the situation. My 'suffering' is a mere shadow of what He endured for me on the cross.

Many Apologies

Ok...so I do have an excuse for why it took me so long to update my blog. Up until just a few days ago my sight was in Thai and I had no idea how to switch the language to English. At first I just did it from memory but with everything else that is running through my head that knowledge was amongst the first to go. Hmm... for any of you that have been recieving my updates. My team and I are becoming relatively well settled into Lopburi which will be our home for the next year as we study Thai together and get a clearer vision of what the Lord is leading us into and becoming more inculturated. Although, that has proved to be a bit difficult as we are very much constantly with other foreigners. I think this has been the most frusterating thing for me since last time I was here I lived and worked and hung out nearly 24/7 with the Thai people and it is hard for me not to have that here. I treasure the interactions I do have with them however and look for ways to coonect whenever I can. This last Sunday I went to a wonderful church full of relaxed fun Thai people that I felt an immediate connection with and so I have decided to make this my home church for the duration of my time here in Lopburi. These next couple weeks are going to be quite busy as I will be transitioning all over the place. Tomorrow I leave for Bangkok where I will catch a flight to Penang, Malaysia becasue our RA visas have come in which means we can now apply for workers visas. This will be a very different trip from the last time I went as we have a long weekend and I intent to use it to return to Pattaya to see my friends. It is so great that they are near enough that when I have a few days I can go down and spend time with them. I know as I build a community here I will travel down less and less but right now I need that emersion into Thai society. Following that trip I will have a few weeks to trip and get as much Thai in as possible and then I head for Singapore first and then Indonesia to attend the 50th anniversary of the Bible school my grandpa started in the jungles of Borneo. I cannot wait as it will also be the last time I see my dad and sister for a long time. So I intend to treasure it. All things with my nephew are going well. My mother is perhaps a bit too doting as you can see from the picture but apparently there have been no permanant injuries to the baby. Other than that I think I am looking forward to September when I can finally settle into Lopburi and nuckle down to Thai and really start going intentionally to places I can begin building relationships, get involved in my church and just be. I have not unfortunately taken many photos for you to see what Lopburi looks like but I promise to be more diligent in the future. Life has been a bit fast paced at the moment. Well I'm not sure I have anything else of interest to say so I suppose I will sign off for the time being. Feel free and drop me a note to tell me how your doing. I feel a million miles away from most anyone reading my blog. So.....

Monkey Buisness

I am writing this from an OMF guesthouse in Bangkok as we are in the middle of transitioning betwen being with team 2000 and going up North for a few days to check out where we will eventually be located after langauge school. After that I will be returning to Pattaya for a long awaited reunion with my friends who I have not seen for over a year. Here are a few pics from the few days we have been here in the land of Smiles so far.

I am making up for the fact that I can't hold my new nephew.

Because I am now officially the auntie of Benjamin Matthew Warkentin who was born on May the 15th at 7:25 pm.

Yup that's him.

We celebrated Jason's, the Davises 7 year old, birthday by taking him to the pool. We managed to make friends with all the Thai kids in the kiddie pool and these where two that seemed especially fond of me:)

Here he is with them. He is a trooper and is settling right into the life here.

I will keep posting pics and stories as often as I can.