Never Alone

"Never Alone"

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

[Chorus:]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]

New Song

Peter Furler - Reach :

verse 1:

Ohh ohh
You hold the weight of the world
Still i don't slip through your hands
Your love is bigger
Than just an ocean built by man
I fall again and again
But you whisper you're still mine.
You feel the pain of the world
But you never push mine aside.

Chorus:
And you reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And you reach for me
Like a father wipes away the tears
So many people in this world
But i hear you calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now i'm never gonna be the same.
Ohh ohh

Verse 2:
You know all of my fears
There's nothing your eyes can't see.
When i tried to give up
Lord you never gave up on me.
I give you all of my hopes and dreams
I lay them down.
Of all the place i've looked
You're the one truth i have found.

Chorus:
And you reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And you reach for me
Like a father wipes away the tears
So many people in this world
But i hear you calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now i'm never gonna be the same.
Ohh ohh

Bridge:
You hold the weight of the world
Still i don't slip through your hands.
You put the stars in the sky.
You know every grain of sand.

Chorus:
But you reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears.
And you reach for me
Like a father wipes away the tears.
So many people in this world
But i hear you calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now i'm never gonna be the same.
Ohh ohh

You reach for me.
For me.

Expectations

Rest For A Weary Soul Devotional - June 1, 2011

Praise the Lord and Good Evening,

Okay, I'm confessing tonight.....I've been slack in writing because I was afraid to write, didn't know what to write, too tired to write, it was hard....Lord, I have too much to do......no time......well, you get the picture.....soooo many reasons. Some nights I would sit down and just stare at the computer screen. Lord, You must mean for me to give this up....surely, everything has an end...is this it?

I'd been writing/reading/studying about Lazarus (yes, even still).....the Lord's been dealing with me on it so much that I have finally given up on trying to go anywhere else (I've been preaching from John 11 periodically for more than a year).....so what makes tonight different from those other nights......I've come to understand that some things come the hard way....revelation about who Jesus was and what He had power to do came the hard way for Mary, Martha and Lazarus.......Jesus heard what Mary and Martha said (and felt)......but I thank the Lord for helping me understand that He hasn't changed His Will.....the process of experiencing revelatory Word isn't always easy or pretty...but it's required (who said it's required, the Lord or He wouldn't put you through this agony)......just because the process if heavily involved and leaves you a crumpled heap on the floor, doesn't detract from what He's let you wear yourself down to see/touch/express,,,,,,

Okay, so you flipped out and foamed at the mouth because Jesus didn't show up when you thought He would....okay, so you too have a lengthy list of reasons why it shouldn't be so difficult trying to get the Lord's attention to your immediate need. Yes, He knows you're at a very intense moment and you've thrown all your hope and expectation into Him showing up when you called for Him.....

Sometimes we're asking the Lord to heal when His plan is completely different......what expectation do you have? It's a good one, right? It must be the Lord's will, right? He said call for Him, right? You called, you waited, you believed, you did your part, right? And yet, nothing? Yes, I know it's an ugly place to be in....but I've learned over the past few weeks that just because it's hard doesn't mean the Lord isn't working.....what a difficult place Mary and Martha were in and Jesus sat back knowing (you mean to tell me you knew I was going through this and didn't stop it?) Jesus had something better in store, that's why it's hard now.....a message I preached a year ago comes to mind tonight from John 11...God is going to wreck your expectation!! That's why it's so hard......so for all of those who are at the end and you're disgusted with the wait (come on now tell the truth) and wondering what is going on.....the Lord is wrecking all you thought you knew about the Lord and preparing you for a deeper revelation through His resurrecting your Lazarus....

Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. (John 11:32)

Pastor Michelle Turner

Although exhausted all day both mentally and emotionally for some reason once my head hit the pillow I could not sleep. So I wandered downstairs to see what was new in the world of facebook.

The last few days have been difficult ones. I am closing in on the end of my time here in Lopburi and my thoughts have already moved on to what's ahead. The coming months will be busy ones as I wrap up my first year of Thai study and begin looking for and eventually arranging the the rental of a house in Bangkok. After that I will need to kick into high gear as I begin to furnish my house, find a new teacher to study with and prepare for my parents to come on holiday. All these things are running around in my mind alongside the thoughts of what lies ahead of me in Bangkok, both hopes and fears. I long for a Thai community in which to thoroughly immerse myself and I'm afraid of leaving the safety of the familiar for again another move, another adjustment, another new beginning. All these thoughts war in my head pulling my heart away from the task in front of me here in Lopburi. Learning Thai well.

So I can't help but think that the Lord is speaking to me about this very subject as tonight I opened my e-mail to find a devotional I get quite regularly via e-mail. Often it seems to be exactly what I need to hear and I can't ignore the message tonight either. Not time yet....

It is not time yet for my heart to disengage with the life around me right here, it is not time yet for my thoughts to be filled with details of moving. The Lord has used this story and the following verses many times in my life and I can't help but believe that He is using them again now.

What I wonder is...what is He still doing? I have learned to ask less and less why He allows things and instead change the question to what is He trying to do through the things He allows. What "sheep" does He want me to feed, what areas of my heart and character are as yet unformed?

I smile a little sheepishly at the writers comments about telling the Lord "She gets it." I have said the same thing on several occasions hoping I can convince the Lord that I'm done with that lesson so we can move on to the next thing or I've learned my lesson so now He can answer my prayer. I imagine He smiles a little and shakes His head and continues right on doing what He has been doing from the start. Making me into the person He created me to be, for His glory, on His timeline, and in His way.

He has been reminding me the last few days of how much higher He is then I am, how much greater His understanding then mine; these verses in Isaiah sum it up nicely:

25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Rest For A Weary Soul Daily Devotional - Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Praise the Lord and Good Afternoon,

I've been deeply involved in the account of Lazarus, Martha and Mary. I've been preaching from it periodically since April/May and the Lord just won't budge from it. He's revealed some things to me from it and I continue to see things in it....what is frustrating though is not being able to leave it. Lord, certainly we can visit some other place....and even when I do read other passages, it still leads me back to John 11.

So why would I be frustrated, you ask? The same reason you get frustrated when you go through things over and over and over again. Or when someone asks you the same question repeatedly. It's like, "I get it." But when the Lord keeps you at a place, there are deep purposes, and it's far greater than you just "getting it."

I'm certain you've found yourself in a place where you "telling" the Lord to move on....most of the time, it's because we see something more interesting up ahead...or we have already made mental plans for what we're going to do when we "get there." Or we're just tired of the same scenery and feel like we need a change. But again, the Lord, isn't after giving you a change of pace, just for the sake of change. Everything, absolutely everything, the Lord does has purpose....and every place He leads us is also purposed by the Lord.

So, I'm calming down and taking my time with John 11. My prayer is now, "Lord, show me all I need to see, learn, understand, and apply to my life. And cause me to look without the blinders of "I already know this" I'm no longer doing, "Oh, no Lord...not again." It feels odd to say that I didn't want to be where the Lord had me...but it is true. I can offer ample examples of when I told the Lord, "I don't need to be here....please, please, please move me."

It's the flesh that says, "I already know. I've already answered the question....I know this stuff." But when the Lord is talking, even when we think we know....there's more to gain (and apply)....and until He says move on, I'll stay right here. Thank you Jesus for helping me to sit before You in expectancy at the table of John 11.


14 This is now the third time that Jesus shewed himself to his disciples, after that he was risen from the dead. 15 So when they had dined , Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. 16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. 17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep. (John 11:14-17 KJV)
In the Master's Service,

Pastor Michele D. Turner
Rehoboth Apostolic Ministries, Inc.
Author/Publisher of Rest For A Weary Soul Daily Devotional
Copyright 2005 - 2010 www.restforawearysoul.com
Email: restforwearysoul@aol.com

Matt 11:28-29 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Picture if you will a dark stormy wind lashed sea. And a small fishing boat being tossed about on top of the waves like a toy. A man stands in the waves calmly with His hand outstretched grasping onto the hand of another man who has sunk beneath the waves. The last couple of weeks I have been studying “Easy Gospels” in Thai. This story is one of the ones we need to learn and recite. Due to the simplicity of the language it is almost easy just to overlook the depth of the lesson this story about Jesus is trying to get across to us.
Tonight my emotions became like these storm tossed waves and I looked at my circumstances much like Peter looked at the looming waves poised to crash down over his head making his previous faith falter and fear to take over plummeting his body beneath the waves. He had just seconds before been walking calmly on top of those same waves his focus completely centered on his Savior but a moment of allowing his gaze to wander and fear poured into his heart. Until tonight the significance of this imagery and the lesson it has to teach has been lost on me as I have studied these stories. When asked in class what the lesson is I can answer easily as the child in Sunday school raising their hand with all the right answers but when the storm actually hit I was not prepared for the force of the gale and how it would cause my gaze to falter and faith to wane. Instead fear poured in ripping open old wounds and shredding the threads of trust that had already been weaved through previous storms. And when my heart screamed from the pain and blamed my loving Lord for causing my pain a still small voice spoke through the turmoil in my heart revealing the true cause of my anguish. I had taken my eyes off the only One who is able to save. I thought my relationship with Him was firm only to realize that actually for days I had not sought out the company of my Heavenly Father as I had in just resent days gone by. I had allowed other seemingly innocent things to become distractions, minor worries about the future I had allowed to grow in my mind without truly bringing them and surrendering them before the cross. And so now I paid the price as my heart ripped apart and vile puss of fear and unbelief came pouring out…..however something different happened this time. The Lord was not far off and quickly reached into my pain with warm arms ready to embrace and restore faith. In the past I could languish in this pit of despair for days. But as the Lord has continued His beautiful work in my heart those times have become shorter and shorter. I am now able to turn my eyes back to Jesus and allow Him to pull me out with less time wasted wallowing in self pity. My heart is brimming with joy and thanksgiving as once again peace reigns supreme in my heart and my worries and doubts are once again laid down at the feet of the only One big enough to handle them. The One I can trust with all the days that lay ahead.

“Look to Jesus” by Charles H. Spurgeon


“It is always the Holy Spirit’s work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus. But Satan’s work is just the opposite; he is constantly trying to make us look at ourselves instead of Christ.

He insinuates, ‘Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you do not have the joy of His children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus.’

All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: He tells us that we are nothing, but that Christ is everything.

Remember, therefore, it is not your hold of Christ that saves you– it is Christ; it is not your joy in Christ that saves you– it is Christ; it is not even your faith in Christ, although that is the instrument– it is Christ’s blood and merits.

Therefore, do not look so much to your hand with which you are grasping Christ as to Christ; do not look to your hope but to Jesus, the source of your hope; do not look to your faith, but to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of your faith.

We will never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our deeds, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we are to overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by ‘looking to Jesus.’

Keep your eye simply on Him; let His death, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession be fresh upon your mind. When you waken in the morning look to Him; when you lie down at night look to Him.

Oh! Do not let your hopes or fears come between you and Jesus; follow hard after Him, and He will never fail you.

‘My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.’”

–Charles H. Spurgeon, “June 28: Looking to Jesus,” in Morning and Evening, ed. Alistair Begg (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2007), 192.

I have been struggling with the up and down nature of this spiritual walk I am on. When I am filled with the Lord’s peace and joy I feel as though nothing can touch me and so I forget that this broken pot leaks and I need to keep being filled by the Holy Spirit and so when I loose that peace I stumble around in shock for a while trying to understand where it has gone, why it hasn’t stayed and why I seem to fall so far when just days or even hours before I was full to overflowing with joy. All of a sudden it feels like the lights have been shut off and the Lord seems far away and silent. My heart begins to chill and instead of running back to the source of all peace I allow the bricks to begin being build around my heart.

I don’t know why I do this. I run from Him instead of to Him, depending too much on my emotions to dictate my view of reality on the situation. But then as the cold begins to harden my heart, a memory deep within my heart flickers and cries out desperately for the warmth that it has known so recently and I find myself like a drowning man clawing my way back up to where I can breathe again, feel the warmth of the Son on my face again. And it never ceases to amaze me that He is there, arms open wide, a beautiful smile on His face although each time I can sense the pain behind the smile. The pain that I have not run to Him faster, that I have stopped trusting, that I have forgotten His promises so quickly.

I feel guilty at times when I think how often I seem to fall and doubt. I can see clearly my broken condition and I ache for the place where I will not disappoint my Saviour so often. But then I remember David and the saints of old. All of them fell and forgot the Lord’s promises, all of them questioned and walked their own way. And these are men and women remembered for their faith…and so I have hope. Hope that no matter how bleak the situation, no matter how many times I choose to believe my emotions and circumstances over the Lord’s promises He will never leave me nor forsake me, and not only that but will continue His good work in me until I meet Him face to face.

Jem - Keep on Wolking

Keep on Walking Lyrics

The world's got so dark I need
some guidance to see
'cause this pain in my heart is
taking everything from me.

It is true that love makes the
world go round
Please give some love to me
'cause I'm feeling so alone
right now, it's suffocating me.

God give me strength
to keep on walking
God give me strength
to keep on, keep on
God give me strength
to keep on walking
God give me strength
to keep on, keep on

The air's got so thick I find
it hard to breathe
And before have
I felt so desperately in need

I know that I must start listening
to the voice inside of me.
The truth is that when I speak to
you, I hope to speak to me.

God give me strength,
to keep on walking
God give me strength,
to keep on, keep on
God give me strength,
to keep on walking
God give me strength,
to keep on, keep on

Oooh, oooh, my darling
God is you
God is you

God give me strength,
to keep on walking
God give me strength,
to keep on, keep on

God give me strength,
to keep on walking
God give me strength,
to keep on, keep on

God give me strength,
to keep on walking
[God, keep on, keep on giving
me strength]
God give me strength
to keep on, keep on.

God, keep on, keep on giving
me strength.
(repeat)

Nail Scarred Hands

"What is real?" the velveteen rabbit asked the skin horse. The skin horse replied, "Real isn't how you are made, it's a thing that happens to you . When a child loves you a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.

"Sometime," said the skin horse, "but when you are real you don't mind being hurt. It doesn't happen all at once, it takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

I've been thinking alot about the trials, we as believers especially, go through in the refining period. I found this little exert from the Velveteen Rabbit to be profound in many ways. The idea that the Lord is working in us to make us real. This goes along with the quote on my facebook profile. "Now with God's help I shall become myself." And it's true, transformation does not happen right away even though we wish the Lord would hurry up sometimes. And yet even Christ had to grow up and be put through the grind of life before He could go to the cross in His final act of submission that cost Him dearly. And yet His heart was that through His blood we also could successfully walk through the "sanctifying" process of life. These last years I have been walking this path of obedience with the Lord because I believed He had called me to Thailand, and always Thailand was the goal. So when I arrived and felt like finally I was in the promised land life would lighten up a bit and the blessing would now pour down and yet I'm realizing there is as much uncertainty in my future in the land the Lord has brought me to as there was getting here. As I look soberly at the future I realize I am a very young girl who has set out on a rather large adventure. The horizon before me is endless and I feel very small. I am here yes, but now I wonder "to do what exactly?" I am thankful that at least for my first 6-9 months I don't need to know what's next just learn Thai, however trusting the Lord to lead me now that I'm here has become no easier that trusting Him to bring me here. I feel instead that what I learned in the valley is now being put into practice in the wilderness. I feel the sting this time of what I have left behind and even at times felt much like the Israelite s coming out of Egypt looking back and saying...we had it good in Egypt...and yet I know that my time at home was difficult. Why is it that the fear of the unknown makes us unable to trust the Lord and fall back in to complacency of what we know even if we don't like it. TRUST......I was just reading the book "Power of Desperation" by Michael Catt and one of the things he wrote made me realize how little I think of my Father's love and ability to take care of me. He gives the illustration that God is the potter and we are the clay and the times that He has to break us down are painful yes but we never have to fear because the hands and feet that push the wheel and shape the clay are nail scarred. How could we ever doubt the intentions of such a God to have the very best for us?

Labyrinth

I have to laugh softly to myself as I read over my old blogs. The verse "Nothing new under the sun" seems to sum up my life. I seem always to be on a journey somewhere and yet time and again I am faced with similar roadblocks, money, paperwork, uncertainty. I always seem to be somewhere in between goodbye and hello. And yet I never really leave and I never fully arrive. I am in this constant state of waiting. I always seem to be back in my home living off the mercy of my parents and yet the clock keeps ticking and I am a year, 2 years older. I guess the question in my mind is "When will my life begin...I mean really begin not just turn in circles." I feel like I have been walking through a maze only to come up against the same walls time and time again. They are veiled so as to look a little different and yet they are not. Is there a lesson I am supposed to be learning that I am not mastering. The movie Labyrinth was a favorite of mine when I was younger, I watched it over and over. There is a surreal quality to the film that seems to infuse my life as well. Like a dream where all the pieces are legitimate and yet come together in the most bizarre sequence. I have to wonder as I work towards leaving for Thailand again in the near future, will I be back here where I started within the year? When will I get off this circular railroad. Always stopping at the same stations, over and over again. Hmm...just some thoughts ......

I am learning the nature of the story we are all in. Lord of the Rings is one of my favorite movies of all times. The epic nature of the long struggle towards a goal. The seemingly endless roadblocks and disappoinments. The loss of loved ones, partners in the struggle. The bitter path against an unseen powerful enemy that will do anything to thwart the thread we walk in the grander scheme of the tapestry of life. The times of respite that are sweet but so often fleeting. The doubt that creeps in to knaw at the mind...would't it be easier to give up, walk an easier thread...does this journey really mean anything? And yet...the pull is at these times so strong. The calling out of greater purpose; of a pilgrimage only you can make...only you were made for. Yet through it all hope shines brightly like and even' star. Hope banishes the darkness, the doubts. At times we are joined in our journey by others walking the same path and then our paths diverge so we are once again walking it alone. Sometimes it is by chance and others by choice. Sometimes it is to hard to expect others to walk the path we walk... it is not their task to undertake. At first the pace seems easy, the path straight forward with only slight bumps to interfere and yet as you continue to walk the valleys get deeper, the shadows longer with fewer beams of sunlight to light the path. Fewer streams to rest beside. But something in us drives us on, moves us forward. In this epic story we are all called to play a part. I have been learning this last while what my part in the story is and with anticipation look forward to the unfolding of that purpose. It would seem that my pupose right now is to be daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.

Fragile

The razor sharp line between disillusionment and expectation. Holding power to bring life or crushing blows. It opens the doors to the hearts fondest dreams or the blackest void where emptiness and bitterness crouch waiting to spring a surpise attack. Fragile as a bubble caught on the wind, tenacious as a weed in the desert. The feelings it invokes resemble a symphony with all it’s highs to crashing lows or lilting notes or driving beats. And yet disappointed walks alongside like a drowner sucking in for air and yet filled instead with panic of certain death.. Such is the power and path weaved by hope.

by:Michael Jordan Spencer

While I'm Waiting

John Waller

The Blessing
I’m waiting

I’m waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waitingI will serve You

While I’m waitingI will worship

While I’m waitingI will not faint

I’ll be running the race

Even while I wait

I’m waitingI’m waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it’s not easy, no

But faithfully, I will waitYes, I will wait

And I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waitingI will serve You

While I’m waitingI will worship

While I’m waitingI will not faint

I’ll be running the race

Even while I wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident

I'll be taking every step in obedience, yea
While I’m waitingI will serve You

While I’m waitingI will worship

While I’m waitingI will not faint
I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Today I revisited my childhood and long forgotten memories were brought to the surface bringing with them nostalgic feelings of adventure and exploration. I am looking after a little boy with fragile X syndrome and he has opened up the world of childhood to me once again. When the snow fell heavily leaving the fields around the church property blanketed in snow we trapsed though leaving the first footprints to mar the prestine landscape. We were adventureres discovering what new shapes had been formed by the white drifting snowflakes. Then today we set off across the barren frozen mud and grass to explore an old abandoned house on the church property, we climbed up into an out treehouse that still held remnants of happier days of childrens play and imagination. Leaning up against the old crumbling walls I glimpsed the shiny steel and supple blake leather of a motorbike that offered thrills of its own. We continued our journey back along a river where we though whatever large chunks of frozen snow and dirt we could find to make the biggest splash, across the stream stood 5 lamas that watched us curiously as we trapsed up and down the bank. As we ampled on trying to break through the little spots of snow and ice to hear the crunch and crack beneath our feet we came apon an old bus. Suprisingly the doors gave under a gentle push from the little boy and his eyes lit up with mischief and question. I was just as keen as he was to climb abord and imagine once again riding the bus to and from school. For a long while we just sat pretending to be driver and passanger.

I am able to read his every excitement every interest and every intent. It is all there to see in his actions, in his eyes. He does not speak this little boy but what he communicates is endless. The joy of every little boy to be in the outdoors, explorer and adventurer. As every little boy he takes great delight in throwing rocks into a stream to see how big a splash he can make, his indelible spirit drives him on to wander through an old abandaned property to see what treasures he may unearth. Although I am girl I grew up taking pleasure in much the same kind of activites. Trapsing through the jungle, exploring areas yet unfamiliar and taking much joy in using my imagination to make up stories of imagination and adventure. These are the same memories and emotions that this little boy has sparked in my heart once again.

Life is always uncertain but I think if I look at it this way again I will not be mired down in the pain of not knowing and dissapointment but instead look at every closed and opened door as a new opportunity, and opportunity for adventure, but a higher one. One with far reaching implications. It is an adventure with Christ. If I allow Him to lead me knowing He will never leave me nor allow more than I can bear I know He will open up my eyes to see the bigger adventure the bigger story he is in the process of writing. I know I want to walk beside Him into it, into the unknown future.

Hmmm... Life has an interesting way of suprising you. Just when you feel like you have gotten your feet under you and are starting to feel settled the rug is pulled out from under you and bookshelf comes down on top of you. The best option is to just lie still and wait for the dust to settle. As it does you begin to look around and assess the damage. There is some superficial pain but the real injury is to your faith. Faith that rugs don't just get pulled out from under you, faith that bookshelves are stationary and won't fall over suprisingly. You slowly get up and push away the books, set the bookshelf back up and start to clean up the shards of glass that litter the floor. You start to pick up the books and flip through them. Familiar words start to jump out at you, long forgot memories of stories. Some are humorous some are sad. You sit down and read the words of a long neglected story. Such is my relationship with my Lord and Saviour. Over the last few years He has pulled the rug out more than once. At first I am disoriented, hurt, angry even that the 'bookshelf' has come down. But then as the dust settles and I begin to see past the pain and uncertainty and pick up the pieces He draws my eyes back to the story He is in the process of writing. I have often been walking my own path assuming I new the road ahead when He allows painful experiences to pull down all my assumptions and show me where my heart is at. He then begins to remind me where He has brought me from, what He has brought me through and where He is taking me too. The last few months have been such a time. The bookshelf was a full one and the books fell for a while but now I am remembering the familiar stories of past adventures. All of which the Lord has brought and allowed to bring me once agin to this point. Fully dependant on Him.

God is Good!!

Bring the Rain

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It’s never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you oh Lord

My only shelter from the storms

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know

There’ll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that’s what it takes to praise You

Jesus Bring the Rain

I am Yours regardless of

The clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what’s a little rain

Holy, Holy, HolyHoly, Holy, Holy

Is the Lord God Almighty

Is the Lord God Almighty

Written by MercyMe© 2006 Simpleville

Music(ASCAP) / Wet As A Fish Music(ASCAP)

All rights administered by Simpleville Music, Inc.

All rights reserved.

The Lord has once again asked me to wait. I have become accustomed to these periods of waiting on the Lord. When I begin to rush ahead with my own plans without consulting Him and His perfect plan that is when He often closes the door to allow me time to back up and look at what I am doing, how I am thinking. Often I can see quite quickly why He has put a hold on MY plans and it is usually so that His plans can be layed out. Sometimes I wonder how many times He needs to close the door in my face before I will listen, before I will get it. Sigh!!! I have a sinking feeling this will go on until the day I die. Such is the nature of mankind...to never quite learn its lesson. However what I have come to learn is to get over my disappointment faster and look up to Him quicker instead of wallowing in my own self pity. My favorite line from 'The Grinch" goes something like this. "6 o'clock Wallow in self-pity, 7 o'clock stare into the abis, 8 o'clock solve world hunger...and tell no one, 9 o'clock have dinner with myself...I can't cancel that again." These lines although humorous also have a deeper truth of how we deal with disappointments if we do not immediately turn to Lord and wait on Him. So often I in the past have taken a good long time to see what God wants to do in me, the reason behind what at the time seems to me the unfairness of His apparent abandonment of me. And yet each time in the end I see He had a much better plan in mind for me all along. He really is good. And when it comes right down to it the song is right. If my life's desire is to follow and honour Him than setbacks and disappointments become opportunities for Him to bring Glory to His name by the manner in which I deal with the situation. My 'suffering' is a mere shadow of what He endured for me on the cross.

Many Apologies

Ok...so I do have an excuse for why it took me so long to update my blog. Up until just a few days ago my sight was in Thai and I had no idea how to switch the language to English. At first I just did it from memory but with everything else that is running through my head that knowledge was amongst the first to go. Hmm... for any of you that have been recieving my updates. My team and I are becoming relatively well settled into Lopburi which will be our home for the next year as we study Thai together and get a clearer vision of what the Lord is leading us into and becoming more inculturated. Although, that has proved to be a bit difficult as we are very much constantly with other foreigners. I think this has been the most frusterating thing for me since last time I was here I lived and worked and hung out nearly 24/7 with the Thai people and it is hard for me not to have that here. I treasure the interactions I do have with them however and look for ways to coonect whenever I can. This last Sunday I went to a wonderful church full of relaxed fun Thai people that I felt an immediate connection with and so I have decided to make this my home church for the duration of my time here in Lopburi. These next couple weeks are going to be quite busy as I will be transitioning all over the place. Tomorrow I leave for Bangkok where I will catch a flight to Penang, Malaysia becasue our RA visas have come in which means we can now apply for workers visas. This will be a very different trip from the last time I went as we have a long weekend and I intent to use it to return to Pattaya to see my friends. It is so great that they are near enough that when I have a few days I can go down and spend time with them. I know as I build a community here I will travel down less and less but right now I need that emersion into Thai society. Following that trip I will have a few weeks to trip and get as much Thai in as possible and then I head for Singapore first and then Indonesia to attend the 50th anniversary of the Bible school my grandpa started in the jungles of Borneo. I cannot wait as it will also be the last time I see my dad and sister for a long time. So I intend to treasure it. All things with my nephew are going well. My mother is perhaps a bit too doting as you can see from the picture but apparently there have been no permanant injuries to the baby. Other than that I think I am looking forward to September when I can finally settle into Lopburi and nuckle down to Thai and really start going intentionally to places I can begin building relationships, get involved in my church and just be. I have not unfortunately taken many photos for you to see what Lopburi looks like but I promise to be more diligent in the future. Life has been a bit fast paced at the moment. Well I'm not sure I have anything else of interest to say so I suppose I will sign off for the time being. Feel free and drop me a note to tell me how your doing. I feel a million miles away from most anyone reading my blog. So.....

Monkey Buisness

I am writing this from an OMF guesthouse in Bangkok as we are in the middle of transitioning betwen being with team 2000 and going up North for a few days to check out where we will eventually be located after langauge school. After that I will be returning to Pattaya for a long awaited reunion with my friends who I have not seen for over a year. Here are a few pics from the few days we have been here in the land of Smiles so far.

I am making up for the fact that I can't hold my new nephew.

Because I am now officially the auntie of Benjamin Matthew Warkentin who was born on May the 15th at 7:25 pm.

Yup that's him.

We celebrated Jason's, the Davises 7 year old, birthday by taking him to the pool. We managed to make friends with all the Thai kids in the kiddie pool and these where two that seemed especially fond of me:)

Here he is with them. He is a trooper and is settling right into the life here.

I will keep posting pics and stories as often as I can.

Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!!!!!, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!!!!!, HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear Bitsy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!!!!!,