Labyrinth

I have to laugh softly to myself as I read over my old blogs. The verse "Nothing new under the sun" seems to sum up my life. I seem always to be on a journey somewhere and yet time and again I am faced with similar roadblocks, money, paperwork, uncertainty. I always seem to be somewhere in between goodbye and hello. And yet I never really leave and I never fully arrive. I am in this constant state of waiting. I always seem to be back in my home living off the mercy of my parents and yet the clock keeps ticking and I am a year, 2 years older. I guess the question in my mind is "When will my life begin...I mean really begin not just turn in circles." I feel like I have been walking through a maze only to come up against the same walls time and time again. They are veiled so as to look a little different and yet they are not. Is there a lesson I am supposed to be learning that I am not mastering. The movie Labyrinth was a favorite of mine when I was younger, I watched it over and over. There is a surreal quality to the film that seems to infuse my life as well. Like a dream where all the pieces are legitimate and yet come together in the most bizarre sequence. I have to wonder as I work towards leaving for Thailand again in the near future, will I be back here where I started within the year? When will I get off this circular railroad. Always stopping at the same stations, over and over again. Hmm...just some thoughts ......

I am learning the nature of the story we are all in. Lord of the Rings is one of my favorite movies of all times. The epic nature of the long struggle towards a goal. The seemingly endless roadblocks and disappoinments. The loss of loved ones, partners in the struggle. The bitter path against an unseen powerful enemy that will do anything to thwart the thread we walk in the grander scheme of the tapestry of life. The times of respite that are sweet but so often fleeting. The doubt that creeps in to knaw at the mind...would't it be easier to give up, walk an easier thread...does this journey really mean anything? And yet...the pull is at these times so strong. The calling out of greater purpose; of a pilgrimage only you can make...only you were made for. Yet through it all hope shines brightly like and even' star. Hope banishes the darkness, the doubts. At times we are joined in our journey by others walking the same path and then our paths diverge so we are once again walking it alone. Sometimes it is by chance and others by choice. Sometimes it is to hard to expect others to walk the path we walk... it is not their task to undertake. At first the pace seems easy, the path straight forward with only slight bumps to interfere and yet as you continue to walk the valleys get deeper, the shadows longer with fewer beams of sunlight to light the path. Fewer streams to rest beside. But something in us drives us on, moves us forward. In this epic story we are all called to play a part. I have been learning this last while what my part in the story is and with anticipation look forward to the unfolding of that purpose. It would seem that my pupose right now is to be daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.